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Im clearly at a very important crossroads..and yet, im restained within.Almost like i don't want to admit it....I cant beleive this..the fear.

I used to live for moments like this..the excitement sweeps you off your feet.

Oh, if you're wondering im 18, free, and about to step into college...

Ive changed, alot. But i wouldn't say in bad way...im learning, but afraid not fast enough. If im to submit to the ride...i need to jump in with both feet. The issue here is that i cant seem to decide who or what is it i want to be..I truly beleive that most parts of the old me is overrated. Superficial...hypocritic..the over-driven too focused self i was. Ive pushed everyone else away...for the pursuit of success. Well, focus is good, but ive turned cold..and in the process,ive become my worst enemy. Not recognising yourself isnt fun...

ive got a chance here,to break away..to fall..*cringe*..and to rise a different person..
So tell me(to myself)...really, whats it gonna be?

I need to see myself in a different light here....

ive been meaning to post on this matter for a long time, because writing about it helps..alot. Im not sure where to start in the first place..

can someone hand me a catalog?