Feelin heavy and i don't know why....

.....why do i find it hard to breath...well,it may sound too dramatic but the fact is, im giving up... People around me are just so caught up in their own lifes, perspectives...they're fake.. And i feel so lost here that i'm suffocating..coz i do noe what i want, i who i am n i work hard 4 it. I dun get why everybody else complaints... I'm worn out,fighting the negativity... see..i dun even noe whats d whole point of this post but im still going on..typing..sorry if u don't understand(whoever 'u' is..)

See, i'll put it this way. I've been through enough, gotten hurt, fallen down, n i finally noe how to steer myself away from te darker part of me...I hated the way i was: lazy, too indulgent, living everyday aimlessly...n yeah, i regretted most of what i did n i noe realise the reason i regret what i do is coz i NOE i didnt THINK b4 doing it. If i had listened to the more sturdy part of me, i wouldnt have done some of the things i did a few years back...I'm 16, n i wanna live my life the way i want it to be...i dun wanna regret my choices...i wanna be aware of what i'm doing or where i'm going..but i get discouraged to do so whenmost of them around me r still aimlessly shuffling through their days... I kinda feel guilty too live life to the fulest..and GOD i noe i sholdn't...this sounds really stupid..n i noe,IT IS MY LIFE..SO WHY WORRY BOUT EVERYBODY ELSE?! I just have this lump in me...i've been carrying it around with me for the past 6 months already...Trust me, its not compassion or pitiness towards my peers thats pulling me down...really its not..but the mere fact that people around me are moping around complaining...not living life to its fullest..thats getting to me... I wish i could return to my old self..optimism is being drained out of me n my perspectives are blurred... And mind u, not ALL of them are moping around...i have a couple of them who are doing what they WANT to do ( not what they HAVE to do) n gosh i'm happy for them.... They are able to immerse themselves into heavy facts and books, remember every bit of it and at the same time, enjoy doing it... I miss the times when i could love studying without having people judge me for it..

The main point here basically..well i admit it, i'm a lil cowardly...but i never used to be like this.. Rite now,i wish i could just shut my brain up and instead, just get it to work...procrastination? i dunno...

I beta get going...got loadza homework to do..but i really hope i'll get a grip and wake up before next year...SPM..